The Death and Grief of Romantic Love From Outside Looking In
A lonely person’s perspective.
I don’t know what to think, to be honest.
I really don’t know how I feel about being spared, but yet, being denied of one of the greatest misery ever known — A pain all too common in couples. Still, you are just beginning to live through a lonely struggle that I knew all too well throughout my entire life. On one hand, I feel guilty for basking in the glory of never having to experience the excruciating heartbreak of losing a life partner, but on the other hand, I feel extremely cheated.
I will never know the fulfillment of marriage and parenthood, much less a long and serious relationship. I will never know the highs and lows, the good and bad, nor the joys and woes of two people in love. I am completely left in the dark about the giving, taking, sharing, arguing, disagreeing, compromising, teaching, and learning of each other and the gratification of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy and connection.
Yet, regardless of the details of the death of your best friend, you are now trying to cope with a multitude of natural emotions that will overflow for many days, weeks, months, and years to come, and will often be reminded by the gaping absence that is freshly present and raw. Your first, last, and every thought in-between of your new normal are consumed with wishing when the nightmare would come to an end.
I will feel empathy for you by vicariously understanding your suffering, and loss. I am emotionally available to carefully listen to your thoughts without judgment. However, sympathy would be too hard of a task to grasp, because it means that I would have to live the same dreams and expectations you lived that I’ve always wished, prayed, and hoped for, but my dream come true never came to fruition. This phenomenon will forever be unknown and unrelatable to me.
Suffice it to say, loneliness wasn’t the kind of life I planned on, but it turned out this way. Yes, it is sad, but I no longer mourn my single life once wrought with immense grief, fear, confusion, anguish, resentment, denial, devastation, sorrow, and jealousy. My world right now, unlike yours, is not at a standstill, and I can continue to keep pressing forward with no regrets, guilt, or shame, because I have come to accept that it is a part of life that you will learn to accept in time.
From where I stand, I saw your love life as if I was reading, listening, or watching a story unfold. It looked intriguing, yet foreign; Enchanting, yet sorrowful. Looking back at love, and all of its wonders, and mysteries surrounding it, I have to ask you this:
Have I missed out?
…Or am I one of the lucky ones?
